A moment of chaos at the door turned into a quiet reminder of the magic that happens when we choose staying calm as a mom — even when everything feels out of control.
We were ready to go for a walk — my husband, my mother, and I, all bundled up and waiting in the hallway. Everyone except for one very tearful little boy. Our sonstood there, barefoot, coatless, and overwhelmed.
Tears streamed down his face as he cried, “I don’t want to wear these shoes!”
As a mom, these moments hit hard. You’re already juggling a thousand things, and then suddenly you’re thrown into a full-blown emotional storm — often when other people are watching. The pressure builds fast.
You want to keep things moving and to not make a scene. For once, can’t your child just cooperate? But if you’re like me — and especially if you’re navigating PMDD, fatigue, or general overwhelm — those pressure-cooker moments can easily tip you into a fight-or-flight state.
And from that place?
There’s no space for creativity.
But creativity is exactly what moments like these call for, which is why staying calm as a mom is so essential.
Pressure moments are where staying calm as a mom matters most
As my son’s usual winter boots were still wet, I handed him a pair of dry, secondhand shoes from his best friend. Logical, right?
But logic didn’t help.
He cried and cried. I felt the tension rise — in my body, in the room. Three adults glanced at each other, silently asking: What is even going on?
I could feel the urge to push. To convince. To problem-solve fast. But something in me knew: if I matched his stress with my own, we’d both spiral.
So I paused.
I took a breath, got down on the floor, and gently pulled him onto my lap.
The magic of meeting them where they are
Once his sobs softened, I asked: “What’s wrong with the shoes?”
He sniffled, looked at me, and whispered:
“There’s… a monster in the shoe.”
Oh. A monster. Of course.
It took everything in me not to laugh. But at the same time, I was amazed by the wild, wonderful imagination of a child! And just like that, I had a new path forward.
I took the shoe and began talking to the “shoe monster.”
“Hi there, monster. Are you a scary monster?”
Thankfully, it was a very nice monster.
“Do you mind if my son wears this shoe?”
No problem, said the monster — it could make itself very tiny to leave room for toes.
After this small exchange, I turned to my son and asked if he had any questions for the monster.
“Will it bite my toes?”
“No,” the monster assured us — maybe just a little tickle.
Laughter broke through the tears. A moment ago, I had a sobbing child in my arms. Now, I had a giggling one who was ready to put on his shoes — even the one with the monster.
The most helpful response
It wasn’t about the shoes. But then, it never really is.
Generally, it’s about feeling safe, heard, and allowed to have big feelings — even if they seem ridiculous to everyone else.
But here’s the part we often miss as moms: I wouldn’t have found that playful, creative solution if I had stayed in fight-or-flight mode.
When we feel pressure — from the situation, from the people watching, or from our own inner critic — we often act from stress. We talk faster, push harder, and unintentionally pass that tension onto our child.
But the most helpful responses don’t come from pressure. They come from presence.
How you can stay calm, too
Maybe you’re reading this and thinking, “I could never have come up with that. I would’ve snapped.” And I get it.
There are so many moments where I don’t meet my child with creativity. When I’m overstimulated, running on empty, or navigating PMDD symptoms, calm feels miles away.
So I’m learning that even in the messiest moments, I can pause. Breathe. Soften.
Because it’s in that space — that breath — where our most powerful parenting tool lives:
Not logic. Not control. Connection.
Staying Calm as a Mom Isn’t About Perfection
So the next time your child refuses to put on socks, eat their favorite food, or gets scared of invisible monsters…
Pause. Notice the pressure. Breathe.
You don’t have to fix it fast or come up with the perfect response. In reality, you just need a little space for your own nervous system — so that your calm can lead the way.
There’s a lot going on inside our little ones. And there’s a lot going on inside of us, too. But the more we practice staying calm as a mom — even just a little — the more creative, compassionate, and connected we get to be.
And some days? That’s more than enough.
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