What can you do when your plans are not working out for you? How do you deal with life just happening around you? I want to share with you a simple exercise that helped me change from being an overwhelmed mom to a relaxed mom.
“Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.”
– John Lennon
Back in 2020, I had this happen to me. I was in a situation where I slowly became an overwhelmed mom – but I didn’t realise it at the time.
Overwhelmed mom in a shut down world
We are talking April 2020. At that particular time, plans weren’t working out for many people and life just happened.
I was just going back to work, after a 3 month absence due to burn out. While I was slowly building up my hours, while still working on my mental and physical health, the world shut down.
Well crap. Now, on top of my reintegration at work, I had to take care of a 3 year old at home all day. And I wondered if I would still be getting in my 10,000 steps a day – which I considered vital for my well being.
The day at the beach that didn’t happen
On this particular day, I thought I had gotten a grip on COVID-life. My son and I would go to the beach, spend some time in the sun (at a safe distance from other people) and everything would be mostly normal.
Mind you, that day I had also already been spending 4 hours at work, waking up extra early to take a walk around the block, to get my steps in. But, did I realise that my new routine was slightly overwhelming? Of course not.
Alas, the local lake was too crowded to safely enjoy, so we went back home. Hot, sweaty and disappointed.
PMDD causing mood swings and overwhelm
That afternoon, nothing was quite right. Playing with the 3-year old felt like a chore. I felt over-stimulated without really knowing why.
Finally, I became so overwhelmed, that I said to my husband “I’m leaving” and out the door I went.
On my walk, my brain just wouldn’t turn off. I thought about how selfish I was for just leaving. And how nice it would be to just keep walking. Would they even notice if I didn’t come back? (Spoiler: yes, they would).
It took me a good while of walking before I recognized my thoughts as being mood swings. The mood swings were related to my menstrual cycle and a classic sign of my PMDD. Again, something I realised in hindsight.
A simple exercise for overwhelmed moms
When we are overwhelmed, our brains tend to make bad decisions. Our rational thinking disengages and our survival instincts are triggered, leading to a fight, flight or freeze response.
Coming home from my walk that day, I was still overwhelmed. But I also recognized that my reaction came from a “fight” instinct. Instead of continuing in this shitty situation, I applied one of the coping strategies that I learned, to bring myself back to the present and stop my negative thought spiral.
One of my absolute favourite exercises to become less overwhelmed is box breathing. It’s a simple exercise that lets you focus on your breath and calms your nerves.
Box breathing
It’s easy like this:
- breathe in for 4 counts
- hold 4 counts
- breathe out for 4 counts
- hold 4 counts
While doing this notice the quality of your breaths: are they high in the shoulders, somewhere around your chest? Once you are attuned to your breath, see if you can start breathing to just below your belly button.
The beach: a happy ending
As I was standing there just breathing in and out for a bit, something inside me changed.
Where previously I only saw chores and problems, I was now able to see solutions and opportunities.
I looked at my husband and asked him if we should get take out and take it to the beach, as most people would have gone home by now.
We were rewarded with one of the most beautiful evenings I can remember as a family: after a quick dinner, I quietly built a sand castle. I even had time to take a photo before it was smashed into the ground by a pair of children’s feet.
Words from a no longer sometimes overwhelmed mom
I got my happy ending that day, but I don’t think that’s the case for every overwhelmed mother out there.
In our overwhelmed state, we sometimes do things that we aren’t proud of. We yell, we walk away. The important thing is that you come back from that. Apologise where necessary and do better next time.
How can you do better? Learn to recognize your stress reactions and how to manage them. Find ways to calm your nerves when you are getting overwhelmed and then change the outcome.
When was the last time that you were so stressed that you wanted to yell “I’m leaving”? And what would it take for you to just start breathing?
