As a (new) mom, your world becomes tiny, doesn’t it? Often your day and attention is just focused on yourself and the small, very dependent being that you now need to take care of. While I was never really lonely in those first months with a newborn, I often felt alone with the responsibilities of motherhood.
Eventually, my world got bigger again, and being a mom did not feel so heavy any more. And I realized that I wish this for other moms, too: that they don’t have to go through the early months of motherhood alone.
Over the past year, I have thought a lot about why the thought of being a mommy mentor makes me so happy. So here it is: an article telling you all about “my mission”. Why I do what I do and mostly, who I do it for. The simple answer to the “why”-question is, because thinking about helping other moms puts a smile on my face.
The dark place: feeling alone
Truth be told, in the past year, I have been sitting in a deep dark valley of my own. I felt alone and was convinced that I just couldn’t get out of this dark place. And I kept thinking that nobody wants to hear my advice about managing your energy, about dealing with stress and chronic illness while I was still sitting here. Am I right?
But the longer I sit in this dark valley, the more I am convinced that my work is not actually about the advice, about being further ahead in the process. It is about being in your dark place with you, so that you might feel a little less alone.
If I wasn’t here to tell you about my dark place, would you feel brave enough to tell others about yours? Would you feel seen and heard?
Shine a light
What has helped me most over the past couple of months, is time and time again other women saying to me: “I’ve been there and I came out of it”. Or “I don’t know how dark your valley is, but I’ll sit with you”. These words let me know that I am not alone.
Often, we feel alone in the darkness. We get stuck in our thoughts and it gets so dark that you can’t see much further than the tips of your feet.
In reality, another mom might sit in the same dark valley, just a couple of metres ahead, also not able to see past her own bubble of darkness.
We can stop this feeling of loneliness by shining our light. It doesn’t have to be a bright beacon. It could simply be the tiniest night light that will stop you from bumping into a rock. It’s not a matter of guiding others out of the valley, it’s about letting them know that you are there, too. And one by one, we can make the darkness a little brighter, a little less threatening.
I love a good metaphor and light in the dark valley is really what my work as a mommy mentor is about at the core: making sure mothers feel less alone and providing support for each other when motherhood feels overwhelming and hard.
You don’t have to feel alone
Being a (new) mom comes with challenges. And the way we raise children in our western society can make it feel like you are facing them alone.
- Your 18-month-old is experiencing sleep regression, and you think you might never sleep again.
- You are deeply exhausted from juggling all your old and new responsibilities.
- You feel sad all day every day.
- You feel like you can’t have a loving relationship with your child.
Some of these challenges require professional (medical or psychological) help. Other challenges might just be easier to face if someone stood next to you telling you that they got through this before and that you will, too. (*)
Not all of us have the proverbial village to raise our kid in. There are many reasons why you might feel that you are facing these challenges alone. You might
- be a single mom
- live far away from your family
- live in a foreign country
- have a medical condition to deal with
This is where I tell you: you don’t have to be alone. If you feel alone, reach out. To your neighbour, to your doctor, to me. I’m here to be your professional friend. To shine light into your darkness, letting you know that you are not alone.
And that is the long answer as to why I became a mommy mentor in the first place.
(*) I will never ever tell you not to get professional help. But with long waiting lists for (mental) health specialists, it might help to already start talking with someone, before you can be seen by a specialist.
